I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
