hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
