Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
