he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
