My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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