You made me cry and you don't even care
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
that may or may not have been my penis.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
