this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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