So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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