70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I think i got beer on your cat.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
