She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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