Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
