glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize