peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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