are you still at the devil's house?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.