when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT