You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
