They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
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Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
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By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.