i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
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She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
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he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??