Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?

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  (949): Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse? http://tfl.nu/h2ii
  Replies (21) Good night (3141) Bad night (976)
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  (858): View more from California

  ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.

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  (858): ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me. http://tfl.nu/yno6
  Replies (4) Good night (2606) Bad night (876)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?

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  (504): Aren't I supposed to sit on your face? http://tfl.nu/tzlx
  Replies (19) Good night (3494) Bad night (964)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work

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  (304): I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work http://tfl.nu/ovrn
  Replies (31) Good night (4845) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  she has a santa fetish

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  cute.

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  (267): why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place? (215): she has a santa fetish (267): cute. http://tfl.nu/kuhz
  Replies (18) Good night (5848) Bad night (1337)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl

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  (770): theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl http://tfl.nu/qhni
  Replies (16) Good night (3947) Bad night (1245)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.

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  (843): I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out. http://tfl.nu/k8va
  Replies (21) Good night (987) Bad night (4744)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"

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  (432): Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat" http://tfl.nu/ofhr
  Replies (20) Good night (9624) Bad night (1288)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."

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  (478): All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk." http://tfl.nu/3sim
  Replies (10) Good night (3413) Bad night (1228)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...

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  (573): I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were... http://tfl.nu/299s
  Replies (8) Good night (3341) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid

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  (801): He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid http://tfl.nu/81ik
  Replies (15) Good night (2243) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.

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  (508): I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking. http://tfl.nu/mdga
  Replies (16) Good night (2269) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it

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  (508): Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it http://tfl.nu/qcg9
  Replies (3) Good night (549) Bad night (487)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color

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  (678): So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color http://tfl.nu/9bip
  Replies (0) Good night (822) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.

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  (303): I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle. http://tfl.nu/isj2
  Replies (0) Good night (1230) Bad night (354)

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