Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
