We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
