I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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