maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i think i have two assholes
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
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Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
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Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
A+ Viking dick
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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