i already hear my dad disowning me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
