So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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