found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
