i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He shit in the fireplace
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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