3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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