Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This is classic penis vs brain.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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