I wish I could teleport
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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