my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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