dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
