did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
