Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I checked into jail on foursquare
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
