I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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