we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
