Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
