Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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