I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
