just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
