Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
