I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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