i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
