At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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