When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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