i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
