then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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