Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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