Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
