nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize