Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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