She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
