Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
