tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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