just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
