Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
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I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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