The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
