the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
how does that bad decision feel?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
