There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
