He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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