i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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