Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
