Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
