I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize