Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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