before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
