Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he was CRYING into my vagina
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
